Good PM8 – Deal with conflict

Posted: September 10th, 2009 | Tags: conflict, Conflict Management, Management, Project manager | 1 Comment »

“Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude. ” -
William James

Projects are by definition a conflict situation. In order to balance the triangle of cost, time & quality between all the relevant stakeholders, conflict will happen.  As per the quote above, what makes the difference is the attitude with which you start. In a professional services project I have learned that the most important factor is the control of emotions. When emotions come into conflict it is destined to become a “no win”  for all, thus it is of the utmost importance to keep the emotions out and the facts on the table. Nothing ruins a good fight like facts! For me the control of emotions always start with myself.  I cannot expect others to control emotions if I am not leading by example.
I do believe that conflict management skills can be taught and that all project managers should get this training early in their careers. A lot of different strategies exists but as with most people management skills, the key is the practical experience. How does a project manager build this experience in a save environment? This is one area where I believe that coaching does help. If a junior project manager can be paired with a more experienced person, the skill  can be coached.  Unfortunately we do not alway have the luxury of being coached one-on-one in these types of skills.

Role play is also a good “simulation” tool for real life experience.  Good conflict management training courses normally include a lot of practical exercises during the course of the training.  It also helps to watch how others try and resolve conflict. You learn almost as much from other’s mistakes as from your own.

Most important is to enter the conflict with the right attitude.  if you enter with the attitude of – “let’s find a solution” rather than “let me prove to you that I am right” you are already half the way through. Now if the emotions can be kept under control and the facts discussed in an “open” environment the table is being set for a successful outcome. The basic facilitation skill also helps to keep the conversation under control and going in the right direction.

I have also found it useful to use a mediator in cases of extreme conflict or disagreement.  A person that is perceived by all parties as being unbiased could just be the tie breaker that is needed. The other strategy that does help when emotions get involved, is to call a time out for cool-down period.  Sometimes a simple 30 minute break can make a huge difference.

However, there is still no silver bullet.  You will have to learn this skill by practice!

Remember, any conflict is another opportunity to “make a deal”.

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