Posted: September 10th, 2009 | Tags: conflict, Conflict Management, Management, Project manager | 1 Comment »
“Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude. ” -
William James
Projects are by definition a conflict situation. In order to balance the triangle of cost, time & quality between all the relevant stakeholders, conflict will happen. As per the quote above, what makes the difference is the attitude with which you start. In a professional services project I have learned that the most important factor is the control of emotions. When emotions come into conflict it is destined to become a “no win” for all, thus it is of the utmost importance to keep the emotions out and the facts on the table. Nothing ruins a good fight like facts! For me the control of emotions always start with myself. I cannot expect others to control emotions if I am not leading by example.
I do believe that conflict management skills can be taught and that all project managers should get this training early in their careers. A lot of different strategies exists but as with most people management skills, the key is the practical experience. How does a project manager build this experience in a save environment? This is one area where I believe that coaching does help. If a junior project manager can be paired with a more experienced person, the skill can be coached. Unfortunately we do not alway have the luxury of being coached one-on-one in these types of skills.
Role play is also a good “simulation” tool for real life experience. Good conflict management training courses normally include a lot of practical exercises during the course of the training. It also helps to watch how others try and resolve conflict. You learn almost as much from other’s mistakes as from your own.
Most important is to enter the conflict with the right attitude. if you enter with the attitude of – “let’s find a solution” rather than “let me prove to you that I am right” you are already half the way through. Now if the emotions can be kept under control and the facts discussed in an “open” environment the table is being set for a successful outcome. The basic facilitation skill also helps to keep the conversation under control and going in the right direction.
I have also found it useful to use a mediator in cases of extreme conflict or disagreement. A person that is perceived by all parties as being unbiased could just be the tie breaker that is needed. The other strategy that does help when emotions get involved, is to call a time out for cool-down period. Sometimes a simple 30 minute break can make a huge difference.
However, there is still no silver bullet. You will have to learn this skill by practice!
Remember, any conflict is another opportunity to “make a deal”.
Posted: January 8th, 2009 | Tags: Conflict Management, Difficult Conversation, Negotiation, Project Management | 1 Comment »
Continuing on the series regarding what skills make a “good” project manager:
“The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot. ”
— Michael Altshuler
As a project manager you will definitely in your career come up with the challenge of conveying bad news. In most cases for me it was news that had to be given to a customer. A picture that I will never forget comes from one of my favorite books on this topic – “Difficult Conversations” by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen. This book is a follow up from the bestseller titled “Getting to Yes” by Roger Fisher and William Ury. I can strongly recommend these for any PM that wants to touch up on negotiations and conflict management. These books were some of the results from the Harvard Negotiation Project. Paul – you can start with these!
In Difficult Conversations the message is summed up as follows: Bad news is like a hand grenade. Sugar coating will not cause less damage and holding on to it for too long will cause the most damage to yourself. From this I have drawn the lesson that the sooner you have this conversation the better, provided that all the facts are on the table. I think this is one of the most important steps to a difficult conversation – make sure you have all the facts. Do not make it a personal or emotional discussion. The moment the conversation starts turning emotional or personal you somehow need to call a time-out. It always goes south from there. According to the authors of Difficult Conversations you cannot ignore the feelings or personalities. They break a difficult conversation into three key conversations:
- The “What Happened” conversation
- The feelings conversation
- The identity conversation
You will need to understand each of these to be able to keep control of such a discussion and get a fruitful outcome. I strongly suggest you read the book. An audio version is also available from Audible.com.
The second most important thing I have learned is that “it is not about me“! It is seldom that the client is unhappy with you as a person. In most cases they are unhappy about the product, the company’s attitude towards something, the quality of a work product or a change in scope. Make sure that you do not make it personal for yourself. This allows you to walk out of a serious session with your personal dignity intact and the ability to face the next difficult conversation. I promise you – you will have more than one of these if you stick around the project management space.
The last point for today – You do not need to have all the answers. In most cases during these converatin the client simply wants confirmation that his/her viewpoint is being heard, understood and respected. “I will need to get back to you on this” is a perfectly good answer when you do not know. Trying to give an answer simply to get out will lead to more problems later. Good project managers are team players and will know that I need a team to support me. Buy yourself the time to go and consult with your team. In most cases there is a good logical answer for most difficult questions.
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